
Stanley Goodspeed? Is this a Bond movie? Anyway, the plot involves General Hummel (Ed Harris) and his team of Marine commandos taking over Alcatraz. Stanley Goodspeed, a chemical expert with the FBI. In this environment, Nicolas Cage has no choice but bend to Bay’s will in playing Dr. Bay also succumbs to the common problem among male directors of creating roles for women that don’t go beyond “sex doll,” “sexy neighbor” and “sexy professional.” I understand that American moral values would prevent full-on sex in mainstream movies but Michael Bay prefers to imply the relationship between men and women in a very juvenile way. Bay’s cinematic surrogates act like they’ve never seen a boob before much less touched one.

This last criterion for Bay is problematic because his films have very limited views of sex. What would a teenage boy like to see in a movie? Explosions! Swearing! Sex! In short, Michael Bay acts like a teenage boy with millions of dollars on hand to make a movie. Club’s Zach Handlen broke down the Michael Bay canon two years ago in an article called “Bay-watch: The Hunt for Meaning in the Films of Michael Bay.” I am a fan of this analysis, in particular Handlen’s dissection of sex in Michael Bay movies. In the case of The Rock, the attraction comes from Michael Bay’s commitment to ridiculous dialogue and explosions. Yet, I must admit that I have watched a fair number of episodes from Bruckheimer’s CSI franchise and seen many of Michael Bay’s movies more than once. You are in good company with Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay in the pantheon of terrible movie making. Schumacher, if one of your minions comes across this blog after searching your name, I apologize for my hyperbole.

I opened by criticizing Joel Schumacher as one of the worst minds in cinema (or something to that effect). I would like to amend a statement I made during my review of 8MM.
